Feeling a little Blue

December 23...a night that I have dreaded since the beginning talks of the deployment that would take him away during this time of year. 

I worked at Cherokee Temps in Broken Arrow and one of our clients was ELT (Electronics Labeling Company) at Elm and 71st. I was in charge of looking for people to work for this company and had to take them down there to introduce them to their new supervisors. During a walk through of the company I was introduced to all of the supervisors in their departments. I was led through the warehouse back to shipping and receiving where I was introduced to one of THE hottest guys I have EVER met in my life. From that day forward I made every trip down to ELT for whatever reason I could think of. I was first to offer to run checks down to them, first to offer to show around new hires, first to go do anything down the street just so I could talk to Jason Spriggs. I remember floating home almost daily. As it got closer to Christmas I began to ask him what he wanted for Christmas and he told me a Porsche. So I would not seem TOO obvious, I also asked the other two guys working in that area what kind of cars they wanted for Christmas. I hit Walmart after work that day and found all three of the cars for the guys. I wrapped them up and took them down there to them. Again, I didn't want to seem too obvious so I made sure to pay attention to all three of them that day and gave all three of them cars for Christmas. 

His Porsche sits on our nightstand next to the bed to this day. :) 

December 23...When I gave him his car he thought it was funny and told me that I would have to help him spend some gift cards he had received for Tony Roma's from a client. I thought he was totally joking so I told him sure, I can do that and left to go back to work. I seriously thought he was joking - until I got back to work and got the phone call from him that would eventually change my life forever. He was asking when would be a good time to go out. I wanted to fall over - never in my wildest dreams did I think this man would want to go out with me. Haha!!

December 23...this is the night Jason and I had our first date many moons ago. Every year we go out on a date to celebrate our Dateaversary (as we like to call it) :) We have gone out every December 23 from that very first night. Our first date was at Tony Roma's and for the first couple of years we went there every year. Then one year there was a freak snowstorm that put the city on shutdown. But that didn't stop us from going out - we still went out to try to go to Tony Roma's - but they were closed due to the weather so we found someplace new that year. And for every year afterward we have spent this evening together. 

December 23, 2012 - this year I feel rather lost without him here. This is the first time we have EVER missed going out and I have to admit that I am lonely and missing him tonight more than ever. 

Jesus is the Reason...

So with the coming of Christmas I have noticed this saying all over the place - on store front windows, on Christmas cards, on billboards, Social media sites - it is everywhere. 

Jesus is the Reason for the Season

I have to admit, when I see the words publicly displayed it warms my heart, but in all honesty, I wonder why these words only come out now, around this time of year. Obviously I am well aware of the WHY - because the birth of Christ is celebrated at Christmas. I understand Jesus is the reason for the season, but isn’t He the reason for everything? Why is everyday not about Him? Why can’t the saying be something like Jesus is the reason for you breathin’ or something like that? 

I attended The Christmas Train at Dry Gulch this year and rode the train around the story of Jesus’ life. I cry every time I witness it - especially the crucifixion and the resurrection. For some reason, this year, it had more of an impact on me. I watched as the people beat Him and hurt Him and thought ‘That’s me’ - I am responsible for every scratch He has on His body, I am responsible for the blood pouring from His wounds. For every time I have had those thoughts, said those words, done those things it is as if I were the one standing there whipping Him, beating Him, and making Him bleed. I listened as the people laughed and mocked Christ hanging on the cross and thought ‘That’s me too’ - every time I do something that I know I ought not be doing that is me mocking Him while He hangs there broken and bruised. I watched as he hung His head and heard Him crying out to God - His dad. I thought about all the times that God wants nothing more than for me to cry out to Him and instead I hang on to every hurt, every disappointment, every fear like I am hoarding them. As the train rounded the corner I saw the tomb where Jesus was laid to rest. I saw the light and smoke pouring from the entrance and the people lifting their hands in worship and praise. 

Luke 24:6 He is not here; he has risen!!! 

I was immediately filled with joy (and more tears), only this time they were different - this time they were cleansing, as if He were standing right there with me. And I realized He was...He always has been - even during the moments when I don’t realize it. He is here holding me up at this very moment in my life, He is here with me as I write this and as the tears stream down my face even more, He is ALWAYS here. He came back for me, as if I were the only person in the world, He came back for me. He took all of the pain, the beatings, the name calling, the mocking, the doubt - all of it for me. 


See, the sad part of this is I already know this - I have been taught numerous times that He died for me to set me free but to see it play out in front of me just brought such a realness to me that I can’t explain. Does this mean I will be perfect from this point forward? No - only one person in the entire existence of time has been perfect and that was Jesus. Does this mean that I am going to start going around and thumping people in the head with my Bible to get them to wake up? No - there is no way in the world that I could possibly force someone to see the reality of what this is. This just simply means that I have been reminded by a God who loves me what life is about - it is not about the  money in your account, the clothes in your closet, or the material possessions you own. It is about the love of a God, of a Savior, who went to the cross for me and did something no one else in my lifetime can ever do for me - He loves me enough to love me unconditionally, to die for me, and to set me free from everything. 

Merry Christmas to all of you! May the love of your Savior be the best gift you could ever receive.

2 Corinthians 9:15 Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!!